really thankful for the weekend away. away from everything that has been weighing upon my heart the past few months. all the changes that drove me to the brink of what i could take so very often . it has been tough - dealing with issues of life, issues of heartache, and adapting to the whole idea of "work". it was tough emotionally i think; more so then physically.

i really appreciate quiet walks, being in sync with nature, having calm blue-ish waters and lying there with a book and my journal. i appreciate time to think, and reflect - although sometimes that can drive me crazy.

it was also easter weekend. a time to remember the grace of God, the love of God, the victory of God, the glory of God all displayed on the cross. death, and then resurrection. salvation. how deep the father's love for us

the only thing i could not run away from though- my own thoughts and emotions.
fighting emotions can be so tough.
but i want to become a girl who is full of heart and emotions, and yet strong enough to not let them get me down.

ive been thinking so much about you and everything that has happened.
it has made me re-evaluate as well the kind of guy/relationship i want. sure i had a whirlwind romance, one where i felt like i was living in a korean drama. but if there was no lasting commitment, no enduring love, no willingness to fight things through.. then is it something that i want? is it something that would last?
many people go through similar hurdles of distance. many fail, some make it through - i guess those that do - are truly the ones who are meant to be, who deserve to be together. i guess slowly i am learning to let go. i once said i would wait, but i realised perhaps waiting is not so wise afterall. perhaps first i need to  release myself from the pain and hurt that im holding on to. and so what is love? is love all the sweet things you can do for a girl, all the sweet things you can say to a girl. or is it, a quiet stable sort of love, one that is ready to say sorry, one willing to think for others, patient, enduring, forebearing, a love that pursues, a love that imitates the love that Jesus had
or perhaps - its different for different people too

well i dont think ill have my answer anytime soon. but this weekend was significant in my journey of grief & healing. thank you Lord <3

last of all though congrats to my dear friend getting married! its truly an exciting journey, and i pray sincerely that God will be the foundation of their relationship and that it would truly reflect His love and His presence in their lives. loveeeee you!