Transitions

We always knew being in the 20s meant a whole lot of transitions. But here we are, in the year that is probably going to be the most life changing one ever. 

We got married.

We moved out.

We are learning how to manage our own household, our own schedules, our finances as a family. 

We are learning how to disagree well, how to love well and fight well, how to compromise when it comes to differences. You see, J is a very organised person when it comes to physical space.. I on the other hand, is more organised when it comes to finances/scheduling/planning stuff. On some days this can work for us, on some days this works against us. But we are learning. 

We are now searching for a home to call our own, which is a huge decision because its more than half  a million dollars and would be what we would spend a big part of our lives trying to pay off. It would determine whether how much time our child would spend travelling to school everyday. It would determine the type of neighbours we would have. It would almost determine, to a certain extent, the life we would be leaving. We have moved from wanting a BTO to getting a resale instead. From Bidadari to somewhere closer to our parents.  We have learnt a lot about what to look out for in getting a house. 

Honestly, we have learnt A LOT in the past two months. We've only been married for two months but our lives are seriously changing. Our little family of two is also expanding. That happened really quickly. There's so much we do not know with regards to parenthood and even being pregnant. This is probably the steepest learning curve of all. Firstly, managing the fatigue and morning sickness and dizziness and headaches is certainly not easy. Nobody would understand this except a fellow pregnant mother, which is why I am extremely thankful for the 5 other pregnant mothers in the cg, and 2 who have already given birth. Thats a lot. Our CG is expanding at an alarming rate, our government would be very happy. Then there's all that information out there about pregnancy, motherhood. I am trying my best to hold back on my purchases until the first trimester is over, and trying not to be overwhelmed by the wealth of information available. Above all, I am trying to enjoy the process as much as possible, both individually and with J, learning to pray together for what we 'created' together.  It is a very exciting journey. 

Of course, none of this would have been possible without the support we have had from both our families. Both physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially. We have a little space to call our own only because my parents have been so generous to us. That has truly been a huge blessing! We meet my family once to three times a week, and J's family once a week. I am thankful that I have a husband who is intentional about going back home to visit our parents even when we are tired and schedules are tight. 

So, this summarises our past two months. We've only been married for two months.. I have to keep reminding myself that because so much has happened in these two months. 

Last night we were talking about the grace of God, and it really dawned on me how God HAS been gracious to me in this wedding journey as well. It is easy sometimes to see how certain things were so difficult, how some people took quite long to get back/the styles were quite different. But at the end of the day, there's so much to be thankful for

1. For ALL the people who have helped in big or small ways. whether its with the save the date, folding the pompom, writing names on my invites
2. For Clarissa who has helped us with so much of the artwork - our invites which received lots of compliments, the signages, guest cards, and more
3. For my mum and dad - who has helped with so much of the things we did not or could not do - picking up our invite prints, guest card prints, the pom poms and packing them so neatly into boxes which I would never have done. getting the table cloth ready, communion stuff ready and etc
4. For both our families - who were so accommodating to all our requests even though we werent doing everything the traditional or typical way
5. For my parents who provided a temporary place to house us so we could have our own privacy without the pressure of finding a house
6. For all the people who have spoken words of advice to us; and prayed with us and for us
7. For everyone who has agreed to be a part of our wedding - whether as an usher, bridal party, baking for the table, emcees. we have so many people involved and we know that it is our privilege to have them on board
8. that God took away all my bad dreams/nightmares about the wedding after abi and charlene prayed for me. this is one of the few times where I've seen a direct relation to the prayer and my dream, and not in a "it was going to happen anyway" kind of feeling so I am truly thankful to have this experience so I know prayer works
9. That we could take all the leave we wanted smoothly - whether it is for the wedding or for church camp or honeymoon
10. For everyone who has rsvped and are coming! A wedding is not one without witnesses and guests, it takes time out of peoples schedules and so we are truly grateful for every single one who is coming; and even for those who cannot but have given us their well wishes, and for those who have so graciously dropped us a red packet even though they arent coming.

Truly, it is not possible to hold a wedding on your own and while there have been frustrations working with various people, it is only one side of the coin and it is good to look at the flip side and count our blessings.

Two weeks to our big day, and i know we will look back with hearts full of joy and thanksgiving. I cant wait!

this little space of mine has been so neglected. ): I've been so busy

I'm reading a book now which is entitled "the life you've always wanted". Its about spiritual disciplines and one thing that struck me is that spiritual disciplines are not an end but a means to an end. It isnt about doing quiet time 365 out of 365 days a year, but that these moments enable us to love God and love people better.

It speaks about having joy, a divine joy, an everlasting joy. It speaks about living an unhurried life, slowing down and living an unhurried life. A hurried life makes one more prone to impatience and anger, and thats the kind of life I am living right now. Easily angered and impatient. I have been really really busy, trying desperately to find pockets of time to do what is needed, trying to drop whatever can be dropped.

I enjoyed the wedding process.. up till it got to the nitty gritty. Seating arrangements, guest lists, every single signage that has to go up at every little corner, every tune that has to be played. Now, all I want is to be married.

When I am married I will need to continue to learn to say no to things, my plate is full and busy does not mean I am more productive. It is ironic that our spiritual lives reflect the corporate world, there is almost a 'spiritual corporate ladder' whether in the way we fast/pray/serve in ministries. Anyhow I need to learn to take a step back to protect this marriage, and eventually my children.

The wedding journey

The wedding journey has seen me work with TONS of people on creating something that I would love, its been an amazing journey and I just thought I'll share some of them in my little space.

1. Jean from http://baisimu.tictail.com/ 

She does stamps that can be customized. We are planning to use this to stamp on the back of our invitation cards. She's very responsive, fast, and helpful as well! a true joy to work with. Most of all her stamps are amazing and its so easy to talk to her! I've been raving about her so much even though I havent actually received the stamps, because they look so incredible in the photos she sent me.

2. Ken from the Hanger Artist - beautiful hangers! I did it for my bridal party as well. (: Good quality and he now delivers in boxes too! Delivers them personally all the way to your home. Also someone who's very prompt and friendly in his replies. to me, thats very important. I dont like working with people who makes me feel like I'm being too demanding or as if I'm asking too many questions.

3. Agnes from The Postcard Press - she does handlettered works that can be framed up to be used for decorations at the reception table etc. She answered all my questions diligently and her works are beeautiful! She's also preparing for her own wedding so she's quite busy now, but if you have a longer runway, do consider her!

- to be continued ! rushing off to prepare for a wedding. 4th wedding of the year.. also, 3rd funeral in the last six months.

Death

One of our therapy assistants passed away today, it came as a shock. I missed the party at his house just a few weeks ago because I was working, didnt know that would be my last chance of ever seeing him again.

He has gone through so much since his back infection, I guess we thought the worse was over. I see a lot of deaths at work, but very seldom does it affect me in a personal manner. I am very fortunate in that my family is still very much complete, even my extended ones. so allow me to grieve for a little while..

I will miss him and his smile of encouragement to take things step by step and get through the day.
I will miss him supporting me when others bully me and helping me to stand up for what is right.
I will miss him talking and encouraging the patients in the various exercises they are doing.
I will miss his help in helping me whenever I need some.
I will miss him reminding me to take care of myself as well.
I will miss his presence, simply, knowing that he is around.

I have missed him at work, but now I will miss him forever.

He was a very kind soul, wanting to continue to contribute to society even when he was able to retired. Hosting us at his house just to bless us. Life is truly fragile, I hope we can all learn to be like him - to enjoy what we do, to give our best in all that we do, knowing that it is worthwhile. To treasure the time we have, not just to rest and to indulge in holidays, but to spend time with those who matter and to contribute in ways we can. I hope we will live life knowing the hope of Christ, even in the here and now life. I hope, I will learn to embrace life and all that God has encompassed in it here in this lifetime.

Life

With Justin away, it gives me so much more time to think about life.

Two years ago, I was just starting work - single, available, free. I wasn't in a cell, wasn't serving in church, wasn't studying, wasn't preparing for a wedding. I was simply enjoying the transition back to Singapore, settling back into church work and family. Now, I am preparing for a wedding - everyone is an event planner of some sorts here, stepping up at work, serving in momentum, I have a Cg I love, I'm taking 3 modules at bgst, I'm back in contact with those who matter, and I have 3 'families' to care for (mine, his, and ours).

Fast forward another 2 years and I wonder where we will be? Will we be blessed with a little one to care for and love? I can see my life changing another 180degrees if that happens.

When you see people whose lives are taken away from them in an instant - perhaps not life itself, but their dreams their aspirations their plans. Questions like whether they will see their kids grow up, graduate, get married becomes real. I think j and I are truly blessed in that we have both our parents still healthy and going strong at this point! Every year and every moment becomes precious and dear.

So even as we prepare for the wedding, the most stressful and difficult thing is actually the guest list. Because it involves relationships. Even if the food isn't nice, even if my dress doesn't fit or I look terrible, even if my decor doesn't work out, honestly that doesn't matter. But I want my friends helping to feel happy to be part of the preparation but not overworked. I want my guests to feel happy to be invited but not obligated to come; I want them to know that this friendship counts. I want my marriage to count more than the wedding. But it isn't easy, there are limitations, expectations, and different perspectives. We need lots of wisdom for this.

I'm thankful though for all the help we've been getting. Couldnt imagine doing without any! From advise from friends who've been through it, from those who offer help, and those who simply are there. Thankful to justin too for being so helpful because guys are known to be less active when it comes to the wedding! Of course, we've had our "you arent doing anything!" arguments as well.

At this moment we're almost down to the 100 day mark so its almost-panic time. !! its going to be stressful from now till June but I'm sure we'll enjoy the process as well!

Yay! Now, time to wait for the leave calendar to open so I can book my marriage leave and honeymoon leave!

seek God

I haven't blogged in a Long Long time. But I'm back today(: today is the first day of the 40 days before Easter. Our church is engaging in a Wednesday lunch fast and corporate prayer at 10pm.

This Monday at mentoring, we shared on wilderness. At the heart of our wilderness is a redemptive journey. My take away was to seek God with my whole heart. That has been what i have been dwelling on the past 3 days. Seek God and surrender. Surrender my rights, my rights to plan my future, to plan my wedding, my rights to things in life. Even if these are rights which are rightfully mine, I ought to let go.

The next few months will be busy. I can already feel it
Wedding prep, bgst, students, momentum. Each part of my life is challenging in itself, and I am doing it all at once. So lots of prayer, lots of dependence on God. But also lots of seeking God. Not seeking God for answers to my questions and requests, but seeking God for him. Seeking God to be Lord of all this in my life.

I know we will get through this, we will. And soon, in 108 days - we will be married. I can't wait! So in the midst of endless todolists - unmeasured beds, unprinted invites, undone invites, unconfirmed guest lists, unbought dresses and decor, unconfirmed programmes, unbought home, undone assignments,uncertain challenges. I know we can praise him and look forward with great expectancy (: