may He increase, and I decrease

Do we know the weight of these words - to let Him increase and I decrease
to live to be forgotten, so that He may be remembered

For at the end of the day, these things on earth will not matter.
how well we "fit in", how much we achieve (even in our ministry), all this is not about us - can we fully grasp?
that our friends remember not us, but God. is that something we truly understand?

& as i stood there thinking how out of place i was, i also remembered how the few people made such a difference. i learnt so much about what it means to be not of the world. if we do not conform to this world, then the world will not understand why. it will not feel comfortable, it will not feel natural, but that is alright. we do not belong here.

melbourne was good(:
AGM was great. at the end of AGM it dawned on me that this was it. when i said bye to jennibeth, to karina, to rachel. it was like truly saying goodbye. closing a chapter of this season in OCF UQ. everything that I've learnt in the past four years, everything that God has done in me and through me, we're now moving on. emotions overwhelm. beyond the waves & the hugs, and the see you next years, i know, that things will change. but it has been a sweet four years, pivotal moments of my life
when people say that ive done well, i can only say thank you. but it is actually God who has truly given me the strength to pull through. God who has worked in the hearts of me, of those around me, He who has binded us together. who would have known that halfway through i was contemplating giving up? that there came a point where i thought i could not do it anymore. that there were things that i wanted to do but didnt. things that i shouldnt have done, but did. but at the end of the day - it is not about how people think of me or what i have done, but hopefully that they can see, this God who is above all. the God who leads us all, the God who loves us all, the God who is holy and above all. the God who called us into His presence, because when He gets the greatest glory, we get the greatest joy.
because this life we live, we live for christ & christ alone. yet, many of us, especially me, do not understand fully the weight of that sentence.

it is not about me.

& i stand ashamed of my pride and how so very often i put myself at the centre of the equation, how sometimes we think we know better than others, we can do better. even in ministry, but no, God uses the weak, the sinful, the ungodly. and i stand assured of His divine grace, His divine forgiveness, His divine cleansing and I know, that he is working in me to bring me  to completion.

and so, "please be patient with me, for God is not done with me yet."