Its been a rough two weeks. I'm looking forward to idmc next weekend - a good refreshing break; hopefully some nourishing to the soul!

meanwhile, hang in there. 280 days to the big day! exactly 40 weeks; enough to make a baby. the list never ends but we'll get there. 

CG yesterday reminded me that God reveals himself to us, He is real and He is a speaking God. He reassures us constantly. SURGE today reminded me that sometimes there is no perfect way of doing things, and how heartwarming it can be to see your children get baptised. and how important the youth are. and it reminded me to keep praying for opportunities for us to go for a mission trip together after we get married. 

sometimes, our self esteem and our pride just takes such a big hit.

its been a tough weekEND. for some reason, there's just this sinking feeling inside of me that has also made me make life difficult for j. ):
didnt help that we only had less than half a day together this whole week because of our work commitments, and we had to meet our caterer as well.
we ordered some sample cakelets which I was really looking forward to but turned out to be a huge disappointment, so i was really quite upset!!
and you know its been tough when you're actually looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. at least, its the routine, it takes your mind off certain things and time passes pretty quickly.

the presentation has also been this constant nag at the back of my mind, told myself not to do anything else until I get it DONE.

but all in all I still hope to learnt to have a grateful and contented heart. So, I'm thankful for
- my root canal which went well and I managed to get an appointment to finish the crown and manage my work processes of going for the appointment
- almost settled with the wedding caterer with a clearer picture of what we want
- we spent 50 dollars to sample the cakes instead of a thousand on the actual order
- I still managed to spend some time with j, and it ended reasonably well after the big commotion
- He picked me up from work
- we went for CG, which was refreshing. seeing how God is sovereign always, despite the mess we humans make.
- September is coming soon

august

August has been a VERY eventful month. after coming back from my Bangkok trip, I had to deal with a stressful day of dealing with a Saturday jam packed with events – run, CG, bike fit (which did not work out), ndp. We have decided to change CGs – which required meetups with various people and a certain element of ‘drama’ with people we had to deal with. I have a presentation to prepare for, a greek exam I just took, we have made progress in our wedding (booked a few vendors), booked our honeymoon (which the hotel has gotten back to me about, yay!!), celebrated national day (one of the best in years), had a 4 day long weekend, went for overnight prayer which increased my burden for the nation – though im not sure what to do with that. I struggle with this daily. 

I have been replying emails incessantly about our vertical marathon - which is happening in 1.5 weeks! I am meeting my caterer this Saturday, collecting my cakelets. Deciding about my macaroon tower, I have done my tooth last week, and am taking another planned MC on Tuesday. I am choosing my gown on Wednesday and presenting on Thursday so I have rescheduled all my meetups to September. Because 31 Aug is also when our PT day event is going to be. 

We would need to apply for a new HLE and apply for our BTO in September – which I am looking forward to.

Also, with the Bangkok blasts – it is sometimes scary to think that it could have been me. But somehow, I don’t think about it that much. In the – that could have been me way. Am I heartless? Or is it because I try not to put myself in situations that aren’t true? God will put us through various circumstances in life, and we all have our own ups and downs to deal with. My heart goes out to those who have been affected by the blasts though, our world can be a very cruel one.

I’ve also been thinking, whether life in heaven will as tiring as it is. some days I look forward to the day I pass on from this world, because sometimes, it is tiring. I am contented and blessed but isn’t nothing better at times?? I wonder if I will still feel this way in heaven. I hope not. I was reminded then of the joy, the glory, the love that we will get to enjoy in full capacity when we get to heaven. Is it not tiring to live forever?

All in all this was a very rambly post, but i just wanted to remind myself of this august season so I will not forget when September comes.

Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the Lord our God.

-          But to trust in the lord with all our hearts, through EVERY season

Declutter

Just trying to organise one's room, one's laptop can be so so frustrating sometimes. The amount of things we accumulate in life is beyond us. Now, we have to grapple with both softcopy and hardcopy mess.

We hold onto so many things, but as a human with human capacity, with only 24 hours to spare each day, how much can we really hold on to? How much memories can we keep with us? The endless photos we accumulate, what do we use them for after?

Perhaps sometimes it is alright to let go, and to live in the now. to live and cope with whatever we can cope with - that is enough.

Declutter

As I prepare to become a wife, and consider becoming a mother in the future, I went back to look at proverbs 31 again. It is a passage that we frequently refer to for guys to look for “the perfect wife”. I felt that looking at it at this juncture where I am getting married, considering children and what happens to my career, that it provides a different perspective to me once again!

1.       The wife is strong, she is not someone who is weak, who needs help all the time, fragile.

-          She brings her husband good, not harm

-          She is clothed with strength and dignity

-          As females, we have our own strength as well. (of course acknowledging that strength comes from the Lord). But there are instances where females portray themselves to be weak and fragile, but I guess that’s not what its meant to be! We are not meant to burden our husbands further, but to bring good to them.

2.       She works, and she works hard

-          She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands (V13)

-          Considers a field and buys it, out of her earnings she plants a vineyard (v16)

-          Gets up while it is still night, provides food (v15)

-          Sets about work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks (v17)

-          Trading is profitable (v18)

-          Makes linen garments and sells them (v24)

-          Let her works bring her praise at the city gate (v31)

-          Women can invest, make financial decisions, contribute financially too. In v23, it talks about the men seated among the elders of the land. It dawned on me that the women are not meant to be oblivious about the finances but just to support the family and provide food. It goes beyond that, she too works hard and works in the marketplace as well to help to provide for the family and contribute to society, whereas the men is given then more time and space to take up leadership roles in society; to contribute to the nation.

-          I guess often we ask ourselves what is the role of the women and men? And its particularly difficult where the lines have been blurred in modern society. Financially, I do up the budgeting, plan for the future, keep track of our insurances, commitments although Justin makes the final decision, tracks the day to day budget. and at one point I wondered if I was doing too much. But I guess while Justin is more meticulous, I am more of a forward looking person/planner? So that’s how we compliment each other. At the end of the day, I would consult him with regard to decisions to be made and show him the “workings” that I’ve done and let him decide.

-          With regards to work, I am even more convicted now that a godly women is not limited to doing housework and looking after children. There is so much more. Of course, her main concern is still the household, but she can also help in providing for the family, in contributing to society (eg selling linen garments).  She can plan for the family’s future. She is capable.

3.       She is kind and generous (v20)

4.       She is prepared for the future (v21, v25)

-          It seems, that this proverbs 31 women has actually planned for the familys future, she is not one who is blur and uncertain but who knows that the home is ready for rainy days and who does not worry about the future.

5.       She is wise (v26)

6.       She looks after the house, is not lazy (v27)

7.       She fears the lord (v30)

A godly women is actually pretty capable and all rounded! She does so many things, and takes care of much. But its something to work towards as the Father transforms me.  Pretty excited as we prepare for the wedding, to having a home, building a family together. I guess preparing for the wedding is a place to start! And im thankful that so far its been going well, we had rough days initially but we’ve learnt each other’s working styles.  Typically I’ll do the research, I’ll work out the cost, budget and keep track of the dates, and then Justin would make the decision based on the research, or make the yes/no decision.  For meticulous, detailed planning eg a proper timeline not a scattered one – look for j too!

Many people have commented that we are very fast but I think its something we do not want to have on our minds for extended periods of time – after all it is just a day. And also because we are pretty efficient? Teamwork! Booking our honeymoon pretty soon which is even more exciting J

I’m also pretty thankful that in recent days j has shared more about his dreams, his struggles. I’m thankful to be able to support him in achieving his dreams, and to pray for him in areas of his struggles. I certainly hope I’ll bring him good in his life! And that I’ll be able to look after the home so it doesn’t become a burden to him!

p.s. this sounds pretty positive but not after a PMS-y week where I kicked up a big fuss over j not caring/not giving me enough attention etc. but its all a learning journey!