and the world grieves

a part of the world is grieving because many have been killed, overnight, due to an accident no one could foresee. some grieving personally, some slightly solemn, some just continuing on with their lives. 

a part of the world is busy being productive, churning out reports and meeting expectations and  trying to perform at work. can they earn enough, save enough for their future, for their next holiday. yet another - so quiet, so peaceful, going about their daily routines - be it driving people from one spot to the next, or whipping up delicious dishes for people who come their way - perhaps their worries surround the weather, whether or not they would have enough customers to be able to feed them for the day. 

life can be such an irony sometimes.. the things that plague our minds. 

if i stay

cried buckets watching this movie... but its such a thought provoking one.. if we could, would we choose to stay or leave? sometimes life is so painful that we just want to quit but we cant. what holds us back, what gives us meaning?

this christmas i learnt the meaning of family. yes christmas is about the birth of jesus - and we celebrate the greatest gift of all.. but being able to spend time with family, the home filled with children, love and laughter brings so much warmth to my heart achs well. being home for christmas as someone who is finally home for good, and being back just for holiday feels so different. and at the end when we were all sitting at the christmas tree unwrapping our presents and laughing away, i really felt so blessed and it was a great cuddly feeling!

to be able to spend christmas in church is also very warm. i think its actually my first christmas service? i dont remember any other christmas service... and at the end of the day having this day off and public holiday to be able to go to church to celebrate this joyous occasion with fellow brothers and sisters in christ. thats what it is all about (:

it is a good season.. even though i was dreading it initially because it felt like there was so much hype and parties and that really drains me.. but in the end everything turned out well(:

& 2015 is coming!

ending off with some reindeer cupcakes that i baked for christmas! i really liked the taste of this cupcake - i used dark cocoa powder. although initially i freaked out because it was black instead of brown.. haaha

its mid dec

so fast, so soon. 

we get all excited making plans for the future but when we think about it seriously, sometimes it can be pretty scary. such big decisions we make. 

thankful for the step forward we made in our relationship over the weekend - albeit a tearful one. that we learnt how to talk better, instead of just resolving emotions. 

there are a lot of thoughts on my mind, such as how people have a whole lot of advice for others even when they sometimes dont seemingly subscribe to it. or you know, the same concept does not apply to everyone. im guilty of it too. we always think we know best, but do we really? 

in other words ive been very thankful of where ive been in the past year. its been a massive year - with all the transitions and movements and changes. but its been a great one. there were ups and downs but i was generally quite aware of the presence of God in my life and that was mostly comforting. that in the challenges and when i drifted, he drew me back to himself. 

2015 would be a big year for j in terms of work - and therefore us. all the way til mid 2016. and then only God knows what our future holds. j always talks about how 20-30 are the years where many major transitions and changes take place and thats true. but then by the time you are in your 30s you have kids and then each year is different and moving and we huff and we puff along. life - what does it mean to have life? 

too often i say something and i wonder if i should have said it. then sometimes i remember that its alright to say the wrong things sometimes, because i am not perfect and its alright for people to know that. its my pride that wants to upload a certain image of myself. but yet i know that all it takes is one comment to bring a person down. because all too often, that happens to me 

goodnight, 1 down 5 to go 

what is the meaning and purpose of your life?

When we grow old and look back at our lives, what would it have been for?

although we are young now, it is so important to think about this question now in order that we may live lives that are worthy and lives that are meaningful. and that is why i am so thankful for my profession that has enabled me to think about this question a lot.

we looked at 4 questions Jesus asked.
1. "What do you want" (john 1:38)
      - and followed it with come and see
      - if we are brutally honest and ask ourselves what are the prayers and desires that we want in our lives? what it is? what do i pray for, what do i desperately cry out for. do i desperately cry out for my friend's salvation, or my hurting friend's needs, or for my broken soul? or do i cry out when i need something?
     - studies have shown that as we grow more affluent, we dont become more happy. as we become more successful, we dont become more satisfied. we become stuck on an endless treadmill and its hard to get off. yet we dont learn, we want to be better, richer, more successful. O lord, keep me humble and take my desires and mould me
    - Lord may I meet you in a way that satisfies my greatest need and desire

2. "do you want to leave as well?"  John 6:67
    - to whom shall we go when jesus has the words of eternal life?

3. "where shall WE buy the bread to feed all these people" John 6:5
   - he can do it himself but he ask his disciple how shall they do it. do I see the starving world out there that God wants to feed? look up and see the multitude..

4. "Do you love me"?
   - it is not what are your qualifications, do you have enough intellect, do you have enough finances, do you have this or that but do you love me.
   - it is similar to the time when God told me it is not your mind i want but your heart

these people are so amazing and so brilliant yet so humble and so passionate and loving. it amazes me. it is not only the theology they speak out but their lives and examples they support it with. it really spoke right into my heart. it made God & Jesus even more real than before. with a deeper conviction of who God and his eternal purpose and destiny for us.

also found this on youtube: great answer to a difficult question
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=it7mhQ8fEq0

it has been a great 2 days - cant be more grateful.

Helping the thinker believe and the believer think

to be honest, ive never been much of a thinker.. a reflecter perhaps, but not thinker. im not one who
questions a lot - it is in my nature and character to accept things given to me most of the time. but my time in Australia developed my thinking mind and at times, I was forced to think. despite the fact that sometimes they drove me crazy, i am incredibly thankful to have met the people i met who made me think - about my faith, about what i believed in, about the bible i proclaimed.

and i am so thankful for privilege of attending the rzim conference this year. what an eye opener. to hear these people speak with such passion and such great content. listening to them honestly rejuvenates me.

what makes us human? what does it mean to be created in the image of God? what is the meaning of life? can the bible be trusted? how was the bible compiled?

too tired to type out a reflection... but it was a good day.